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  #521  
Old 3 Weeks Ago
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दीपावली.... by vijay2309

A beautiful creation showing bond of love b/w Father & Daughter. Emotions & words are portrayed just amazingly, But end wasn't that much justifying. Vijay babu, aap ise or bhi achhi tarah likh sakte the.. For now, it was presented as just a incident.. It could be way way better..

Anyways, It was a nice read with full of emotions.
Keep reading, Keep writing.
Best of luck.
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  #522  
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.............BHAIYA............ By dk89

Good & thoughtful story having a message. But, could be written & presented much better.

A nice read, wish to see you with more and more stories portraying more beautiful thoughts.
Keep reading & Keep writing.
Best of luck.
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Last edited by Mak42 : 3 Weeks Ago at 12:45 AM.

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  #523  
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" The Rave " by ishikaaa


Main ye review meri writer ID jo ki well known hain, se post karna chahta ta par kuch neezi commitment ke wajah se nahin kar ra hun!!!!

Aab mujhe likhne se jyada aap jese writer's ko padne mein jada maja aata hain. Kuch hain jo bas likhne ke liye likhte hain or kuch hain jo isse ek tapasya mante Hain.

Aab aate hain aapki story par!!!

My Rating Based On This Factors :-

1. Plot

2. Vocabulary

3. Flow of the story

4. Special Part of the story

5. Characters catchiness


Review



आप जैसा विचार करोगे वैसे ही आप हो जाओगे। अगर आप, अपने आप को, निर्बल मानोगे तो, निर्बल बन जाओगे और यदि आपने आप को सामर्थ मानोगे तो सामर्थ बन जाओगे। ~ स्वामी विवेकानंद

This are the first lines came in my mind, When I completed it. The Rave!! Is a taboo of the society, nobody discuss or talk about it. But you try to draw an attention toward it through your writing.

Agree with your Highlighted untouched matters, which becoming worse day by day.

Rape!!!!


No comments!! Cause it's not the topic of discussion. Rape is the brutal reality of this psycho pathetic society We Men's are Animals, some of them are good and some are real one but we all are still animals. Women's are victims of male animalistic instinct but nowadays women are also victimized by there own kin!!

You beautifully drafted " Savdhaan India or Crime Patrol" episode in a story.


मैं हमेशा कहता हूं स्टोरी लिखना एक कला है आप एक उद्देश्य के लिए स्टोरी लिखते हैं किसी के मनोरंजन के लिए नहीं, एक छुपा हुआ उधेश्य होता है हर किसी का ।


I really like it Dear, keep writing!

Rating.

1. Plot √

2. Vocabulary √

3. Flow of the story √

4. Special Part of the story √

5. Characters catchiness √


Sabhi hain par sabhi mein thodi si kami hain kahin na kahin par unhe wajah se,




3/5


Good Luck for the Contest & Future work!!!
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  #524  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack Captain Jack View Post
" The Rave " by ishikaaa


Main ye review meri writer ID jo ki well known hain, se post karna chahta ta par kuch neezi commitment ke wajah se nahin kar ra hun!!!!

Aab mujhe likhne se jyada aap jese writer's ko padne mein jada maja aata hain. Kuch hain jo bas likhne ke liye likhte hain or kuch hain jo isse ek tapasya mante Hain.

Aab aate hain aapki story par!!!

My Rating Based On This Factors :-

1. Plot

2. Vocabulary

3. Flow of the story

4. Special Part of the story

5. Characters catchiness


Review



आप जैसा विचार करोगे वैसे ही आप हो जाओगे। अगर आप, अपने आप को, निर्बल मानोगे तो, निर्बल बन जाओगे और यदि आपने आप को सामर्थ मानोगे तो सामर्थ बन जाओगे। ~ स्वामी विवेकानंद

This are the first lines came in my mind, When I completed it. The Rave!! Is a taboo of the society, nobody discuss or talk about it. But you try to draw an attention toward it through your writing.

Agree with your Highlighted untouched matters, which becoming worse day by day.

Rape!!!!


No comments!! Cause it's not the topic of discussion. Rape is the brutal reality of this psycho pathetic society We Men's are Animals, some of them are good and some are real one but we all are still animals. Women's are victims of male animalistic instinct but nowadays women are also victimized by there own kin!!

You beautifully drafted " Savdhaan India or Crime Patrol" episode in a story.


मैं हमेशा कहता हूं स्टोरी लिखना एक कला है आप एक उद्देश्य के लिए स्टोरी लिखते हैं किसी के मनोरंजन के लिए नहीं, एक छुपा हुआ उधेश्य होता है हर किसी का ।


I really like it Dear, keep writing!

Rating.

1. Plot √

2. Vocabulary √

3. Flow of the story √

4. Special Part of the story √

5. Characters catchiness √


Sabhi hain par sabhi mein thodi si kami hain kahin na kahin par unhe wajah se,




3/5


Good Luck for the Contest & Future work!!!
Thank you so much for your cmnt sir … Trust me mai sawdhan india ya crime petrol nahi dekhti hoon par yakeen maniye mai phir bhi sawdhan aur jagruk hoon … Shayad aap meri baat ko galat tarike se le lenge par iss kahani me sirf kisi pedeet ke liye kuchh bhi nahi kar pane ki apni kasmasaht ko likha hai maine … prem prasang se behtar maine kahani ke madhyam se apni soch ko aap sabhi ke samaksh rakhna uchit samjha … isi liye maine social media ki jagrukta aur uske sahi upyog ko upay ke roop me shamil kiya kyu ki mujhe aisa lagta hai ki " ye possible hai" … bhale sach meri kahani se bhi jyada vibhats hota ho par mujhe takleef hoti hai isliye maine " ek koshish " ki kyu ki yahi to pahla kadam hoti hai manjil ko hasil karne ki … thanks again meri kahani ko Padhne aur itna achha review karne ke liye
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  #525  
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Story:- Mai...

Writer:- Cute_Angel2704


Agar ek word me iss story ko define karna hai to "Superb"

Superb story bhi aur superb Writing bhi....A nice story to read....

Writer ne ek ladki ki feeling ko bahut acche se dikhaaya hai....Ek ladki jo Arijit naam ke ladke se pyaar karti hai....Aur Arijit uss ladki ki dost(Naina) se pyaar karta hai....Ladki khud ko rok nahi paati Arijit se pyaar karne se sabkuch jaante hue bhi.....

Ladki ko pata tha ki Arijit usko kabhi nahi milega lekin fir bhi ek aasha tha usse ki shaayad koi chamatkaar ho jaaye aur Arijit ko bhi usse pyaar ho jaaye....Iss vajah se ladki Arijit ke paas jaane ki har sambhav koshish karti hai....

Naina ke character ko bhi bahut acche se dikhaaya aapne aur saath hi uske pyaar ki prati jo najariya hai usse bhi....Wo Arijit aur Dev ke saath multiple relation me thi....Kabhi ek ke paas to kabhi dusre ki....Kahani me jaisa likha hai usse to yahi lagta hai ki Arijit Naina se bahut pyaar karta hai lekin Naina ko uska kadar nahi hai....Bas istemaal ke liye uske saath hai....

Wo ladki jo Arijit se pyaar karti thi Naina ki iss behavior ki vajah se usse aasha tha ki shaayad abhi bhi Arijit usse mil sakta hai....

Khud ki feelings ko dabaa kar, ghut kar jeete hue aur apna aansu chupaate hue wo Arijit ka intejaar karti rahi lekin ye intejaar intejaar hi raha....Arijit ne kabhi uss ladki ki feelings ko nahi samjha....Bas Naina se pyaar karta raha.....Aur ek din jo annual day me hua uss baat se laki ko bahut dhakka laga....Wo sahan nahi kar paayi uss ghatna ko....Usse abb laga ki Arijit usse kabhi nahi milega aur Arijit aur Naina bahut aage badh gaye hai
apne rishte me.....

Uske baad ladki sabse dur Banglore chali gayi aur khud ko sabhi se dur kar liya aur Saurav ke saath apne life me aage badh gayi....

Lekin ekdin usne Naina ke shaadi me jaane ka socha....Khud ki feelings par kaabu rakh kar chali gayi.....Jab usse pata chala ki Naina ki shaadi Arijit se nahi Dev se ho raha hai....

Iss baat se usko ek shock laga aur niche girne hi waali thi ki Arijit ne usse pakad liya....

Ye baat ekdam sure hokar keh nahi sakte ki Arijit bhi uss ladki se pyaar karne laga hai....Ye normal baat bhi ho sakta hai....Par story ke flow se lagta hai ki shaayad ye pyaar hai....

Aur bhi bahut saare sawaal hai iss story me jiska jawaab nahi mila....Iski bahut saari vajah ho sakta hai....Yaa to unn sawaalo ka jawaab utna jaruri nahi hai yaa fir word limit bhi ek vajah ho sakta hai....

Overall its a great love story to read....Narration , feelings and emotions were brilliant.
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  #526  
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ALADIN KA CHIRAAG By ashokafun30

A story depicting not only the sexual desires of a widow, but her overall conditions, and then suddenly a "Jinn" appeared, and fulfilled her wishes and fantasies.. nice storyline of someones desire to get someone... !!! Loved it....
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  #527  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gulmoharroad View Post
ALADIN KA CHIRAAG By ashokafun30

A story depicting not only the sexual desires of a widow, but her overall conditions, and then suddenly a "Jinn" appeared, and fulfilled her wishes and fantasies.. nice storyline of someones desire to get someone... !!! Loved it....
thanks gulmoharroad for your lovely feedback

Last edited by ashokafun30 : 3 Weeks Ago at 12:35 PM.

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Review

REVIEW OF Indicted By Trambak

This is the best story in the contest – irrespective of what the results might show. Earlier on, Mavy had commented pithily: this type of plots not heartily welcome here especially on adults erotica sites. But who cares about it we love to write that's all matters. Kimi emphasized further: ‘no one dares to write beyond one's comfort zone’ Well, this is a pleasant exception. I would like to add that this one is special in so far being able to put the spotlight back on the reader by attempting to open the closets into which we slam our uncomfortable thoughts. Kudos mate!

Let’s get back to the story. It is a depiction of the neo-existentialist dilemmas that echo among the bedroom walls of married couple after ‘youth’ – that ephemeral phase – has gone by. Post youth, a man continues to be buoyed up by his ever deceiving ego. Bolstered by this ego, delusion of self-righteousness has set in. Suddenly, under the harsh and unforgiving spotlight of truth; life offers a chance at redemption as well as a test of will – and this is where the writer, in a masterstroke, erected a set of mirrors for the readers – for introspection. I am a little unimpressed by all those overt references to ED or marital rape – for these are red herrings only. The real issue is pretty simple: are you man enough to admit - that you have been wrong a whole lot of times in your life – before the woman who has loved you all this while? Life is confusion and a whole lot of confusion – but love does triumph at the end. That is the beauty of this story. I will reiterate, it is the theme of conjugal love, as ordained by the heavens, which runs throughout the story – the rest of it is temporal.

The other aspect of this story is the resemblance to a screenplay. While reading through, I could almost visualize a three act drama being enacted on stage, while I remained as a spellbound spectator among the others. (There is a great potential for turning this into a script – should anyone care to do so.) It is to the credit of the writer that the scenes spring up so vividly in the mind and that too within the ambit of a word delimited short story. This should be lesson to the many writers in how a beautiful plot can be presented in strictly limited words without sacrificing any element of the underlying theme.

There is, though, one shortcoming in this story, that the theme is ‘adult oriented’. It is almost akin to a Shakespearean drama being enacted before an audience more used to emotional melodramas. In that sense, the writer’s reach to the audience may get limited. I would suggest for Trambak to choose a more balanced issue, which strikes a chord with a broader age-group, in his next attempt.

There are some stray grammatical errors, which I am sure he would notice on his subsequent readings. Why mate, didn’t you run a grammar-check, before posting it? You could have added a little more polish, had you revised the story for a couple of days after its completion. Hope, you will respect that next time.

In my eyes, this is the winning entry of the contest!

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  #529  
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Story:- The Diary Of An Innocent Girl

Writer:- nain11ster

My Review About This Story....
*************

Fantastic Story Sarkaar..... ekdam jabardast....


Actually Main Yeh Story 1st Din Hi Pad Liya Tha.... Jis Din Aapne Post Kiya....
Reviews Dena Aur Stories Padna Baand Kiya Tha Kuch Mahine Pehle.... Isliye Review Na De Paya....
Aaj Fhir Review De Raha Hoon.... Kuch Mistake Huwa Toh Maff Kardena...
Kyun Ki Bahut Din Ke Baad Likh Raha Hoon...

Main Actually Sex Ke Kahaaniyan Jayada Padtha Nahi....
Apke (Pyaar~Ghum Ya Khushi) ke Kahaani Pada Tha... Jo Mere Favorite Story Mein Se Yeh Ek Hain....

Yeh Kahaani Ke Title The Diary Of An Innocent Girl Dekh kar Samjha Ki Yeh Kaahani Bhi Theek Usi Tarah Rahegi.... pyaar,dard,tadap, khushi Ke Saath....

Lekin Bilkul Alag Thi Yeh Kaahani....
Abb Aathe Hain Kaahani Par....
Iss Kahaani Ke 1st Line Hi Ekdam Jabardast Hain....

Quote:
Pyar kabhi hua nahi, dost banana jaruri nahi samjhi. Jo bhi mila usse bas matlab ke liye istemal kiya. Zindgi badi jalim hai aur iss jalim zindgi ke jine ka sirf ek he tarika hai, kisi bhi soorat me apni jit.
I Liked A Lot This Line Because Aaj Kal Yahi Chal Raha Hain Sab Ke Saath...
Matlabi Ke Liye Istemaal Karna...

Kahani Ke Suruwat Mein Laga Koi Interview Chal Raha Tha....
Aakri tak Pata Nahi Chala Ki Ek Investigation Chal Raha Hain Voh Bhi Nange...

Green Ka Characters Complete Different Tha....
Maze Lo Aur Maze Do....
Bina Apne Marzi Se Usse Chune Nahi Dethi....
Ek Azadi Zindagi Jeena Chathi Thi.... Akhri kar Azadi Ki Zindagi Jee Rahi Hain....
Isne Apne Marzi Se Sab Kuch Kiya.... Koi Demand Na Rakha... aur Na Hi Kisi Ke Demand Ko Kubool Kiya.....

Jo Iske Kilaf Aaya Usse Uda Diya.... Direct Upar....

Aur Aakhri Mein Mukund Ki Bhi Dajjiya Udd Gayi....
Usse Bhi Nange Kar Diya...

Quote:
Main aur meri azadi, uske bich koi nahi aa sakta. Main kisi ki azadi ko nahi rokti isliye yadi koi meri azadi ko chhin'ne ki kosis kare fir main usse nahi chhodti.

Khel Katam Dukan Band....


Different Plot.... & Fabulous Story... Sarkaar...
Well Written...

Keep Rocking Like This Forever....


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Story:- Aik khath - Us Bewafa K Naam

Writer:- Durrani6

My Review About This Story....
***********

Fabulous Story Durrani Sarkaar.....


Jaise Hi Title Ke Naam Dekha Tha....
Toh Soncha Koi Ashiq Tha Jo Ki Pyaar Mein Pad Kar Dewaana Hogaya....
Hamare Jaise...
Lekin Main Galat Tha... Yeh Toh Shayar Bangaya...

Gahzal Mast Hain... Ekdam Jabardast....

Gahzal Se Hi Thoda Bahut Pata Chal Gaya Tha Plot....

Gahzal Padne Ke Baad Mere Mann Mein Yeh Chand Alfaaz Ghoomne Lagi...

Teri bewafai ka ye ghum bhi uthaunga...
Tune kiya jo main na kisi ko bataunga...
Tere khayalon mein hi main din hi bitaunga...
Soniye tujhse badi door... badi door... badi door... chala jaunga...
Tune mera pyaar chhina... dil mera toda...
Banu kisi aur ka main... aisa na chhoda...
Koi mera naam le to kuchh na bata na...
Kehana ke tha voh koi pagal deewana...
Jaha bhi tu jaave khushi tere saath jaave...
Duaa hai kabhi naa tujhe meri yaad aaye...
Teri bewafai ka ye ghum bhi uthaunga...
Tune kiya jo main na kisi ko bataunga...
Soniye tujhse badi door... badi door... badi door... chala jaunga...


Shehryar ne Gahzal Ke Jariye Bahut Acche Se Bayan Kiya Tha Uske Haal Chaal....


Daniyal
****
Daniyal Ka Role Bhi Mast Tha....
Pehle Maine Soncha Tha Daniyal Ne Yeh Gahzal Istamaal Kar Raha Hain Apne Kamayabi Ke Liye....
Lekin Jaise Hi Samir Ne Shehryar Ke Zikar Kiya Tha... Tab Asliyat Pata Chal Gayi....
Jo Ki Daniyal Shehryar Ko 5 Saal Se Jantha Hain....

Ek Nasidee, aur Din-Raath Kaam Kar Ke Akela Akela Tanhayion Mein Raath Gujarata Tha.... Aise Ghazal Likh Kar...
Simple Se Apun Ke Language Mein Bole Toh Ekdam (Bewda)
just kidding...
Uske sarey Khath Pad Kar Uske Dard Ko Mehsoos Kiya...
aur Ek Choti Si Koshish Kiya... Pyaar Ke Panchiyon Ko Milane Ke Liye...


Aur Samir
****
Samir Ka Role Ekdam Jabardast Raha....

Aise Log Bahut Kaam Milthe Hain... Jo Ki Pyaar Ka Matlab Samajhthe Hain... Aur Do Pyaar Karne Wale Jodi Ko Milane Ke Koshish Karthe Hain....
I Think Mere Khayal Se Yeh Bhi Pyaar Mein Mar Kahaya Huwa Insaan Tha... Isliye Maha Ke Pyaar Ko Samajh Kar Dono Ko Mila Diya....

Maha
********
Galat Toh Iske Kuch Hain Nahi... Bas Masti Ke Mood Mein Thoda Masti Karne Ke Liye Soncha Shehryar Ke Saath... Lekin Ulta Punch (watt) Lag gaya....
Dono Ke Bicch Ek Lambi Judai....
Kamal Ki Baat Yeh Tha Ki Jaise Hi Samir Ne Video Play Kiya... Jo Ghazal Wali Recording Ki....
Voh Shehryar Ka Hain.... Pahachan Gayi....
aur samir ke jariye dono ke milan hogayi....

Shehryar
*********
Yeh Character Ke Role Thoda Ajeeb Hain...
Jo Ki Pehel Kisi Ka Suntha Nahi... aur Baad Mein Sunne wale ko Mauka Detha Nahi...

Lekin Mast Tha... Apne Pyaar Ke Liye... Apne Daulat Sab Kuch Chod Kar... Din-Raath Mehnat Kiya... Aur Maha Ke Liye Apne Life Style Sab Kuch Change Kiya....

Ek Choti Si Misunderstanding Ke Wajhse Dono Bichad Gaye....
aur Bina Kisi Galthi Ke 5 Saal Dard Ke Saath Din-Raath Kat Chuke The....

At Last Dono Milgaye Samir Ke Help se....


Nice Plot... & Fantastic Story Sarkaar....

Aur Iss Kahaani Mein Ek aur Baat Maine Gaur Kiya Tha Ki.... Apne Writing (Narration) Style Change Kiya....

Awesome Narration....

I Like a Lot This Type Of Narrations....

Aise Hi Likhthe Raho Aur Hamare Saath Share Karthe Raho....



Keep Rocking Like This Forever & Ever.....

Thanks For Sharing....

Last But Not Least...
All The Best For Contest....
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Stories... Reading Starts from... :-20th December....
Hum Barasthe Badolon Ke Nicche Bhi... Tarasthe Rahthe Hain.... Sirf Tere Liye....
Dard Hain Dil Mein Par Iska Ehsaas Nahi Hota....
Rota Hain Dil Jab Voh Paas Nahi Hota....
Barbaad Hogaye Hum Unke Mohabbat Mein....
Aur Voh Kehte Hain Ki Iss Tarah Pyaar Nahi Hota....

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