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  #51  
Old 8th October 2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by R G View Post
By - nain11ster

kuch hat ke or kuch naya sa tha is main....
acha ye to bata do ki ye story kiski diary se uthai hai....
jo is ke title main diary ka istmal huaa hai....
shuru se end tak padha title ke alawa diary kahi likha huaa na dikha....
becha reader kya kya man ke chale ki title main diary likha hai to ye story kise ki diary se padha rahai ho...
bawajah ka atayachar na karo masoomo par nainu
kya naya tha vo to bata diya story main maine upar likhi lino main....
main bhi soch main bhi tumhari taraha kya naya likha hai ye batai bigar nikal jaau par thoda sa tum par raham kar diya
mast story hai nainu....
baki story ki or tarifa karana apun ko nhi aata apun ek chota sa reader hu bas bakwas kar sakta hu vahe review main likha diya
best of luck nainu....
Kuch naya aur hat ke review bhi hai tumhara ladke

Moti ne tumhari buddhi bhrast kar di hai.... Isliye kahani ke bare me sirf 2 line likh kar mujhe tease kar raha. Koi na ladke tum ab apni khair manao .... Be ready to face me aur ye baat u ke hone ministry tak jayegi

Joke a part ... A usuall apne funny comment me bahut limited sabdon me samjhaya ki story kitni achhi lagi .... Thankoooooo ladke

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  #52  
Old 8th October 2017
mj19 mj19 is offline
 
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Pyar ki koi srhad nhi. . . By smartyboy akash
Bhut hi schi or achi kahani h. . . . . . . . India or Pakistan ki common people ki soch hoti h. . . . Ananya k father jesi. . . . . . . . Chlo koi to happy ending hui. . . . . Dialogues bdhiya likhe especially wo 70 years pehle purvaj bhi hindustan se aaye h wo wala. . . . . . . . Bs thoda sa fast forward ho gya h may be word limit k karan. . Rest all good. . . . 8/10

Last edited by mj19 : 8th October 2017 at 01:32 PM.

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  #53  
Old 8th October 2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by janu2016 View Post
baiya kosish thi bhai. ek aur mast story. :siperb:

ek aur achi kahani aapki taraf se. good start with nice end. but bhai kuch jagah aap naam aur badnaam dono karne mein kamyaab nahi ho paye.

plot bahot purana tha but aaj bhi aisi pristhitiyan h yahan ki.

bhai ko jinda to chod diya per aise
isse badiya to uska character he khatam kar dete. chahe hospital mein he sahoi.


Anyways. Good luck bhai! meri taraf se aapko hardik subhkamnaye contest ke liye!
Shukriya dost

Par iss story ko mai dubara se open forum me likh raha hu jara vistaar me ..kyuki isse mai achi trah describe nai kar paya...



Mai iss contest ka hissa nai hu dost mujhe isme ruchi nai .dost..

Aap sabhi ko best of luck nd tqx
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  #54  
Old 8th October 2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by janu2016 View Post
nainu ki story
wah bhai saandaar kahani
ek kahani mein emotions kaise aur kab dalne h yeh aapse behter is samay to sayad he koi janta ho
ek aur saandaar kahani.
waise to love based theme aapki favorite h, per usmein thriller ka takda.
bhai yeh to mere liye sone pe suhaga wali baat ho gayi. bemisaal kahani.


+ points :-

kahani ka plot bilkul naya tha.

sabse khas baat flow bilkul nahi tuta. agar ek baar padhne chalu ki to bas khatam hone per he ruk paya.

waise to title se he pata chal gaya tha ki ek ladki ko abki baar aapne lead roll diya h, per ladki aisi hogi. (goo with bad) socha nahi tha..
ek dam modern ke saath thodi bahot bhi innocent nahi thi.


- Points :-

bhai speel mistakes thi jo flow ko baar-2 todne ki kosish kar rahi thi per kamyaab nahi ho payi..
dusri baat kuch lino mein to aapne hinglish aur english dono cover kar diye.



Good luck bhai! meri taraf se aapko hardik subhkamnaye contest ke liye!
Cheater escape kar ke padha story aur sab logon ke comment mila kar ek common view diya. Reason spell mistake ke naam par hardly 5 honge out of 4000 words ..... to main spell error nahi manta ....

Second thing ..... Jo aap ne writing ke bare me kaha wo sahi tha but iss story me maine koi romantic scene koi love sub wala situation nahi diya hai .... Aap ne kahan se love story me thri dekha

Lekin Pata nahi bina padhe kahani ka kaise pata chal gaya, iss baat ke liye janch aayog baithega.

Khair ... Mazak bahut kuch seriously ... a lot janu ji aka monu bhai

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  #55  
Old 8th October 2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MumBaekar View Post
Deepawali :- By Vijay

Y so sad man

anyway, it was a good read, spelling and language were just perfect, perfect display of emotions and style was also nice,

Nothing about story, too sad it was

All the best for contest
Thanx kimi ji for rebu.... sad to hai story lekin dil se to wahi likha jaata jo dil m ho...wese jyada accha mujhe tak lagta jab aap story ko story ki nazar se padh kar mujhe rebu deti....lekin aapn bhi apne emotions ko bahar aane se rok liya...kher dekhte hai ye story kaha tak pahuchti hai....thank you very much once again

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  #56  
Old 8th October 2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by janu2016 View Post
kahani ki saandaar suruwat!
bhai bahot he badiya story likhi h aapne
full of emotions.

+ points :-

kahani ka plot bilkul naya tha.
full of emotions aur ek baat ki chote-2 scene making


- Points :-

kahani mein kahin bhi koi galti nahi lagi siway theme maching ke. aapke title aut kahani mein kahin bhi koi bhi baat match nahi karti.
itni sad ending maine to pehli baar pdhi bhai.


Anyways. Good luck bhai! meri taraf se aapko hardik subhkamnaye contest ke liye!
Shukriya dost....kahani kaa naam mene deepawali kyo rakha or aapko kyo iska title kahani se match hota nazar nahi aaya....deepawali title hope ko darshata hai....lekin kahani ke kiradar aasha se vimukh ho chuke thhe....marta hue pita ke paas bhi bas ek he aasha thi or wo ye ke uski beti ko saari khushiya mile....or jabki beti apne pitaah se kisi kimat par alag nahi hona chahti thi....shaayd aap last ki kuch line padhna bhul gaye jo ki is kahani ka mool thhi....kher wese bhi title deepawali ho ya holi ho kya farak padta hai....aapne mujhe is baare mai bataya to aage se mai jarur theam ke hisaab se title select karunga.....thanx for review

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  #57  
Old 8th October 2017
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Ye vaada raha - Review

Superaashif aapki ye kahani bahut khoob likhi gayi hai.. iske tino main chracters bhi sahi hain..I liked the madness of Salma aur jiss tarah ye baat ki 2 saal baad bhi wo wapas aa jati hai.. lekin kahani se main aur expect kar raha tha.. Horror wala jo angle starting main buildup hua woh bich main kam ho jata hai aur end main uss buildup ka real climax ko thoda justification kam mila.. isse aur behtar kiya ja sakta tha aisa mera opinion hai.. waise plot kaafi acha laga..kudos..

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  #58  
Old 8th October 2017
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Hifazat.. - Review

Story ki shuruvat aur end kaafi badhiya..
Dailogue delivery bhi kaafi umda banayi hai aapne..
Saare kirdaron ki baat chit ko padhte hue woh thriller effect kaafi badhiya laga..
buildup aur plot kamal tha..
awesome!!
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  #59  
Old 8th October 2017
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superaashif superaashif is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pyaasababu View Post
Hifazat.. - Review

Story ki shuruvat aur end kaafi badhiya..
Dailogue delivery bhi kaafi umda banayi hai aapne..
Saare kirdaron ki baat chit ko padhte hue woh thriller effect kaafi badhiya laga..
buildup aur plot kamal tha..
awesome!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by pyaasababu View Post
Ye vaada raha - Review

Superaashif aapki ye kahani bahut khoob likhi gayi hai.. iske tino main chracters bhi sahi hain..I liked the madness of Salma aur jiss tarah ye baat ki 2 saal baad bhi wo wapas aa jati hai.. lekin kahani se main aur expect kar raha tha.. Horror wala jo angle starting main buildup hua woh bich main kam ho jata hai aur end main uss buildup ka real climax ko thoda justification kam mila.. isse aur behtar kiya ja sakta tha aisa mera opinion hai.. waise plot kaafi acha laga..kudos..

Live long & prosper
Aapka tehdil se shukriya brother darasal 2 saal baad hi waapsi ki hai usc contest mein participation ke liye aur khaaskarke prakash bhai aur master chief ke liye comeback kiya hai warna toh negative reviews jo 2 saal pehle ek hot thriller story pe mili thi tabse dil tut sa gaya tha.....anyway thanks for ur words ki aapne apna keemati waqt nikaalke meri ye dono kahani parhi a lot
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  #60  
Old 9th October 2017
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@ A diary of innocent girl...


Suna tha main aur meri tanhai aksar ye bate kiya karte the...
Par aaj dekha ki main aur meri azadi aksar ye guftagu kiya karte
the..

Ye jo aazadi mili hai wo sach me aazadi hai....
Ek massom ladki ki mysterious harkate...
Yaha samja ki ek mansikata dikhi hai khas kar ladko ki..
Ladki apni marji se sex kar rahi hai fir bhi..
Wo samjate to use apni rakhel, randi hi hai tabhi to marji wale sex ke bad bhi paise de rahe hai...

Aazadi to mil gai par ghinoni mansikata se nahi...
Sabka alag ravaiya hoga..
Par mujhe ye bat chhu gai kahani ki..
Pata nahi apne kis uddeshy se likhi hai..
Par mere ko ye point touch kar gaya..
Bas dekhte hai xp ke boys ki mansikata kitni change hoti hai..



Overall story was extraordinary..
Unexpescted plot..sulerbly narrated without any needless drama..
Nainu bhai.
U rock again..

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