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  #61  
Old 9th October 2017
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Deepawali by vijay.. ....

Rulane ki kosis ki gayi hai yahan par writer dwara, to swdhan yadi aap ek emotional purani hain to pass me rumal jaroor le kar baithe

Dil ko chhu lene wali kahani me se ek, halanki sad story ki ye bhi ek strong point rha hai ki wo padhne walon ko uss kahani se jor deti hai. Yahi Iss kahani ke sath bhi hua. Kahani ka language aur flow me kahin koi kami nahi thi, kafi dhyan purwak aur mehnan se likhi gayi kahani hai.

Yadi hum pure kahani par gaur kare to ye matr ek ghanta ke tarah lagti hai jisme ek pariwar ke khatam hone ka jikr lagta hai. Ending part mujhe pasand nahi aaya Kyonki atmhatya kahin se bhi justify nahi karta.

Kahani bilkul ussi disha me behtarin tarike behtarin tarike se likhi gayi hai, jitna aap ne socha. Par kahin na kahin mujhe lagta hai ki aap ne kahani ke plot par mehnat kam kiya.

Aap Ki kahani sarahniya hai aur aap ke likhne ki pratibha se aap ke hunar ka pata chalta hai. Ummid hai aap agli baar aap ki mehnat plot ke sath bhi dikhega.... Kyonki aap ne horror likhne ki jo ghosna ki hai. Ek bat bata dun ki horror plot ka chayan karna aur uss par kahani likhna behad he muskil kaam hai.

Isliye mujhe abhi se laga raha hai ki aap Iss baar plot par bhi mehnat karenge.

Thanks a lot for this story and best of luck for contest.

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  #62  
Old 9th October 2017
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Originally Posted by nain11ster View Post


Deepawali by vijay.. ....

Rulane ki kosis ki gayi hai yahan par writer dwara, to swdhan yadi aap ek emotional purani hain to pass me rumal jaroor le kar baithe

Dil ko chhu lene wali kahani me se ek, halanki sad story ki ye bhi ek strong point rha hai ki wo padhne walon ko uss kahani se jor deti hai. Yahi Iss kahani ke sath bhi hua. Kahani ka language aur flow me kahin koi kami nahi thi, kafi dhyan purwak aur mehnan se likhi gayi kahani hai.

Yadi hum pure kahani par gaur kare to ye matr ek ghanta ke tarah lagti hai jisme ek pariwar ke khatam hone ka jikr lagta hai. Ending part mujhe pasand nahi aaya Kyonki atmhatya kahin se bhi justify nahi karta.

Kahani bilkul ussi disha me behtarin tarike behtarin tarike se likhi gayi hai, jitna aap ne socha. Par kahin na kahin mujhe lagta hai ki aap ne kahani ke plot par mehnat kam kiya.

Aap Ki kahani sarahniya hai aur aap ke likhne ki pratibha se aap ke hunar ka pata chalta hai. Ummid hai aap agli baar aap ki mehnat plot ke sath bhi dikhega.... Kyonki aap ne horror likhne ki jo ghosna ki hai. Ek bat bata dun ki horror plot ka chayan karna aur uss par kahani likhna behad he muskil kaam hai.

Isliye mujhe abhi se laga raha hai ki aap Iss baar plot par bhi mehnat karenge.

Thanks a lot for this story and best of luck for contest.
Thanx nain bhai itna bada rebu dene ke liye....ek masti se bhara or sikh deta hua rebu ek dost he apne dost ko de sakta hai....aapne kaa aapko laast ka part pasnd nahi aaya....darasal last ki kuch line meri apni hai uska kahani se koi lena dena nahi hai....aakhir mai bhi to apni baat kahne ka huk rakhta hu

Aksar hum dekhte hai log kisi ke baare mai alag alag brhantiya paal lete hai....yaani kisi ke kiye ko justify karne ki koshish ki jaati hai mene bas is baare mai he likha hai koi kisi ke pyaar ko justify nahi kar sakta ke wo pyaar kam tha yaa jyada....deepa chahti to jee sakti thhi...lekin wo jeena to usi din chhod chuki thi jab use apne pitaah ki bimari ka pata chala....is samay jo kuch bhi hua wo samaj or duniya ke hisaab se nahi hona chaiye tha lekin phir bhi deepa ne suicide kiya....
Mai chahta to kahani ko or jyaada khich sakta tha or jyada sad kar sakta tha....lekin sadness ke saath mujhe ye kahani light bhi rakhni thi or aapke rebu ke hisaab se kuch had tak m isme kaamyab bhi raha....mai jaanta hu nain bhai horror likhna sabse jyada mushkil hota....baat rulane yaa darane ki nahi hoti...baat hoti h kahani se reader ke judaav ki or mai puri koshish karunga ek acchi kahani likhne ki....thank you very much nain bro

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  #63  
Old 9th October 2017
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Pyar Ki Koi Sarhad Nahi Hoti -- SmartboyAkash9613

Bahut hi behtareen kahani .
Umda tarike se pesh ki gyi h .
Mujhe bahut hi lajwaab lagi .

Bahut bahut dhanyavad jo aapne hame itni achhi story di padhne ke liye.
Aapne ek alag hi plot chuna .

Kabeer or Ananya ki dastan jo behad khoobsurat h .
Sath me h Suhana .
Kmal ki dosti or pyar.
""Dekh Lena "" bahut hi achhi poetry .
Shandaar jabardast zindabad

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  #64  
Old 9th October 2017
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FrankanstienTheKount FrankanstienTheKount is offline
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Yeh vaada raha...(horror story)

Humm, just finished this one actually i read it twice . Theme was horror but interesting thing is i didn't find the key element. Kahani me aap ek pal ke liye bhi darte nahi hai scene theek choose kiya tha tufani raat do log ek kamre me par scene ko describe karne me chook gaye bhai.

I like the scene jab side lamp ko band karne se pehle hi light chali jati hai perfect match tha vo. Pori aur ashu ke himbistar hone wale scene pe darvaje ka khadkna so old tectics. Par keyhole se salma ko dekhna bhi horror lagata nahi. Car kse pori ka gayab ho jana aur fir lash ke milne ke scene me full drama dalana tha to story chaa jati.

Flash back theek tha. Good try.
Best wishes for rest
Thanks

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  #65  
Old 9th October 2017
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Yeh vaada raha...(horror story) by superaashif

Bohot hi bahtareen kahani hai asif ji mujhe behad pasand ayi... ye kahani ek sampurna short story hai... aur iska har scene apne badi hi shiddat ke sath likha hai... horror story kalpanik hone ke bawajood drishya kafi jivant lage... plot bhi acha hai... aur narrate bhi acha kiya hai... story me ek flow hai... jo kahi bhi break nahi hoti...

Very good job dear... contest ke liye shubh kamnayen
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  #66  
Old 9th October 2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FrankanstienTheKount View Post
Yeh vaada raha...(horror story)

Humm, just finished this one actually i read it twice . Theme was horror but interesting thing is i didn't find the key element. Kahani me aap ek pal ke liye bhi darte nahi hai scene theek choose kiya tha tufani raat do log ek kamre me par scene ko describe karne me chook gaye bhai.

I like the scene jab side lamp ko band karne se pehle hi light chali jati hai perfect match tha vo. Pori aur ashu ke himbistar hone wale scene pe darvaje ka khadkna so old tectics. Par keyhole se salma ko dekhna bhi horror lagata nahi. Car kse pori ka gayab ho jana aur fir lash ke milne ke scene me full drama dalana tha to story chaa jati.

Flash back theek tha. Good try.
Best wishes for rest
Thanks
Arre baap re franku da ka review ab beta aashif kahan jaoge hahahaa anyway franku da kaise hai? aapke is review ka main tehdil se shukraguzaar hoo ki aapne mere story ko do baar parha aur meri badkismati ki aapko wohh fear wohh horror wohh thrill is story se na mila anyway bro pata hai kya hua tha ki maine horror story jo hai yeh 5000 words se approx likh dalai thi jis wajah se mujhe ise 4000 words mein chota karne ke chakkar mein kaafi dialogues kaatne pare is beech maine guhaar bhi lagayi par 4500 tak bhi word limit ka naa relaxation diya gaya anyway bahut ediitng kiya aur main khud kehta hoo ki pehli baar kisi horror story mein meri chuk ho gayi jaha mujhe khud feel hua ki maine adhura adhura likha anyway brother aap aaye bahaar aayi thank u so much for ur review and gud luck for urs if u r submitting
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  #67  
Old 9th October 2017
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superaashif superaashif is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cute_Angel2704 View Post
Yeh vaada raha...(horror story) by superaashif

Bohot hi bahtareen kahani hai asif ji mujhe behad pasand ayi... ye kahani ek sampurna short story hai... aur iska har scene apne badi hi shiddat ke sath likha hai... horror story kalpanik hone ke bawajood drishya kafi jivant lage... plot bhi acha hai... aur narrate bhi acha kiya hai... story me ek flow hai... jo kahi bhi break nahi hoti...

Very good job dear... contest ke liye shubh kamnayen
I think i am replying ur post first time and i am really glad je nijer bangla aamake review diyegeche asole aami also bengali ...anyway aapne jis tarike se meri kahani ke liye apna waqt zaaya kiya ooska main shukraguzaar hoo ki aapne apna keemati waqt diya well,maine kabhi expect nahi kiya tha ki is saal itna attention milega contest mein kyunki do saal pehle participation mein meri kaafi mazaak ud gayi thi anyway maine bahut mehnat karke kaafi editing karke 4000 word limit ke chakkar mein aapke saamne aisi kahani prastut ki yun toh horror pe meri kaafi kahaniya hai aap mere threads par ek nazar gaur se kar sakti hai

well,i want to say a few words in bangla aamar kahini ke like korar jonno aar eto bhalo prashansa korar jonno aapnar aami koti koti dhonnoywaad kori aasha korchi je aapnar kaach theke ekta story paabo ekhane aar judi aapni participate korchen tahole amar thekeo aapnake best wishes onek dhonowad apnar
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  #68  
Old 10th October 2017
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SmaratiSafar By KKKiKahani

surprise ..yar totaaly I m not believing till now ...what a superb story ....Risto ko jgati huyi ..ek shandar rachna
Smaratisafar ..ek aisi kahani hai jo rishto me aayi drar ko ...ek khalipan jo aa gya apno ke beech me use bharne ka kam karta hai ...starting to ending ..mujhe koi loose point nazar aaya ...starting thoda slow huyi ..par dhire dhire kahani ne raftar pakdi ..aur sabse jyada mujhe jo pasand aaya ..story se
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Wo log bhul gaye the ki ghar char diwaro se,dining table se, achhe furniture se ya achhe electronics upkarano se nahi banata. Ghar bantahai insano se, Ek pyar bhari family se jo in brick-cement se bane colourful box ko apne pyar se, apne hasi se ,apni khushi se, apne rone se, apni shrarato se ghar ko bhar deta hai.Ghar paiso se ya faishonable kapdo se nahi balki bachho ke rone se , bachho ke jid se, bachho ki pent me ki gai susu aur potty se, bhai-behan ki ki gai ek dusre ke balo se lekar kapdo tak khichai,maa ka hath me niwala liye bachho ki pichhe lagne wali daud, pitaji ka lakdi le ke daud, maa-papa ke pyar bhare jhagade, ek thali me puri famile ke khane, ek fruitke chote tukde jo sabka pet bharne ko kafi hota hai,aise khilone se jo ghar pe hi taiyar hota hai. Ghar bharna hai in sab chijo se ye wo chij hai jo ghar ko ghar se badhkar swargbanati hai. Aur ye bat aaj meri familyko samaj aa gai thi. Ye diwali ki safaiek aisa vardan ban ke aai thi jisne aaj hamre sari duriyo ko khatam kiyatha. Hamko ek bat samja diya tha diwali me ghar ko nahi hamare manko bhi saf karna hai .. ek diwali me tel ke diye ke sath sath ek dusre ke prem aur sanman ke diye ko bhi jalana hai.


for this

Everything is superb yaar ..is story me ek hi negative point tha aur vo tha ki yar mujh jaise tharki ki aankhon me bhi nami chha gayi thi ..

All the best for the contest ..


Star Rated :-
9/10
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Last edited by Royal Lover : 10th October 2017 at 12:38 AM.

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  #69  
Old 10th October 2017
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Deepawali :- Vijay2309

story puri tarh se deserve karti hai ,

rahi bat rewiew ki to soch rha hu suruwat knha se karu iske positive se ya neative se ....
.ye ek marmik chitran tha ek pita aur putri ke rishte ka ..puri tarh se lekhak ne rulane ka socha tha ...shayad yahi wajah rahi ki usne beti ke pyar ko darshane ke liye use aatmhatya kara diya ...jo ki puri tarh se asangat tha ya yun kahe ...uske andar jeene ka jajba hota to shayad kahani aur kamal kar jati ....kahani aur flow aur narration me knhi koi kami nhi thi ...kahani ke chhote chhote scene lubhawane the ...han par jo iska title tha ..vo kahani par suit nhi kar rha ..it's my opinion dude ..

best of luck for contest

Story Rated :-

7/10
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Itna struggle to ladki ki chut ki seal todne me nhi krna pdta jitna..... jitna freshers ko job karne ke liye karna pdta hai
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Last edited by Royal Lover : 10th October 2017 at 12:56 AM.

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  #70  
Old 10th October 2017
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Originally Posted by Royal Lover View Post
SmaratiSafar By KKKiKahani

surprise ..yar totaaly I m not believing till now ...what a superb story ....Risto ko jgati huyi ..ek shandar rachna
Smaratisafar ..ek aisi kahani hai jo rishto me aayi drar ko ...ek khalipan jo aa gya apno ke beech me use bharne ka kam karta hai ...starting to ending ..mujhe koi loose point nazar aaya ...starting thoda slow huyi ..par dhire dhire kahani ne raftar pakdi ..aur sabse jyada mujhe jo pasand aaya ..story se
[/color]

for this

Everything is superb yaar ..is story me ek hi negative point tha aur vo tha ki yar mujh jaise tharki ki aankhon me bhi nami chha gayi thi ..

All the best for the contest ..


Star Rated :-
9/10
Sale...
Bas kar yar..
Itni tsrif...itani tarif..
Ab rulayega kya pagle...

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