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  #31  
Old 5th August 2017
akb23054 akb23054 is offline
 
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Dude.Whats wrong with you? She had told you everything, if she had done something wrong after marriage, then you could have thought for divorce.Why now? You must have not married her when you know the truth and now, everything is normal, you must forget everything and try to live a normal life, too much thinking sucks man...trust me.She is loyal to you now, so whats the problem?

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  #32  
Old 11th August 2017
PromiscuousMale PromiscuousMale is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rishi1991 View Post
Hi Everybody,

I am working as a senior management executive in a softwrae firm. recently i got married and that changed my entire life and profession with in couple of month. Everything was very fine and i was working very happily when i met her in some matrimony page we saw and liked and both family was okay with the marg. She was working and our marg was fxed in jan. She was very beautifull and very humble down to earth person as of i know till that date. My wife told about her small affair and show his pics once our engagement was fixed it was okay for me

One of my frnd hailing from same are of my wife had a discussion with me and she saw my wife pics, andwe talked and chat each other on d way i shown my frnd the pics of my wives lover just for fun. After some weeks my frnd start calling me and asked me to cancell this marg, after several inisisting she told all the story of that love affair of my wife which was 6 year old sexual relationship. The guy was very close to my frnd (Female) and he told all the story without knowing that iam her frnd.

I was shocked to hear all the incident and i asked my fiancee abt this first she denied and then she accepted eerything and begged to save here life, everything was set so that was not in a position to drop at that stage it was only 2 weeks for marg.

one thing was before the enggement 6 months back they seperated each other and said goodbye after that they didnt met or talked it was a truth. Now i decided to go ahead for marg by considering my parents everything went normal.

But real problem staretd after mariiage i m not able to love her as intiially did. She never complained anything infact she is very happy to her prresent life. She is living like a slave with me do watever i want and care me like a home nurse.

I dono iam a short temepred guy someday i may file divorse to in anger i request anybody hee to advise me o n this matter what shall i do

wether to live like living together
live like frnds
or just like mates
or wanna try to forget her past which is very tough


my career my life everything went nto a hole by this incident
Everyone has a past, there is no reason to suspect now. She told you about the affair herself.

Overthinking would spoil your life.
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  #33  
Old 11th August 2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rishi1991 View Post
Hi Everybody,

I am working as a senior management executive in a softwrae firm. recently i got married and that changed my entire life and profession with in couple of month. Everything was very fine and i was working very happily when i met her in some matrimony page we saw and liked and both family was okay with the marg. She was working and our marg was fxed in jan. She was very beautifull and very humble down to earth person as of i know till that date. My wife told about her small affair and show his pics once our engagement was fixed it was okay for me

One of my frnd hailing from same are of my wife had a discussion with me and she saw my wife pics, andwe talked and chat each other on d way i shown my frnd the pics of my wives lover just for fun. After some weeks my frnd start calling me and asked me to cancell this marg, after several inisisting she told all the story of that love affair of my wife which was 6 year old sexual relationship. The guy was very close to my frnd (Female) and he told all the story without knowing that iam her frnd.

I was shocked to hear all the incident and i asked my fiancee abt this first she denied and then she accepted eerything and begged to save here life, everything was set so that was not in a position to drop at that stage it was only 2 weeks for marg.

one thing was before the enggement 6 months back they seperated each other and said goodbye after that they didnt met or talked it was a truth. Now i decided to go ahead for marg by considering my parents everything went normal.

But real problem staretd after mariiage i m not able to love her as intiially did. She never complained anything infact she is very happy to her prresent life. She is living like a slave with me do watever i want and care me like a home nurse.

I dono iam a short temepred guy someday i may file divorse to in anger i request anybody hee to advise me o n this matter what shall i do

wether to live like living together
live like frnds
or just like mates
or wanna try to forget her past which is very tough


my career my life everything went nto a hole by this incident

I am not sure if you are from senior management coz ur english is looking way off from your role.

Whatever you wanted to do now should have been done before marriage but as that is past now I suggest you to best forget about it until or unless you face any kind of extra marital things.

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  #34  
Old 11th August 2017
breville1 breville1 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PromiscuousMale View Post
Everyone has a past, there is no reason to suspect now. She told you about the affair herself.

Overthinking would spoil your life.
Yes, everyone has a past, when you weren't in their lives. If you didn't have GF that's your issue.

Unfortunately, males like you that perhaps didn't have a GF have an insecurity built in. The thought that she was with someone else in an intimate way makes them feel that she was promiscuous and that she might do that again. Even if you had a GF, you can feel that way.

When you marry a pretty woman, insecurity is guaranteed. Which man won't look at a pretty woman? It will be up to your wife to stay modest. You can't keep her imprisoned. So you have to develop trust both ways. Even then, fights about modesty and other men looking at her will always be there. It is how you both deal with it that will keep you together.

I constantly have a problem with my wife's dress. She says it is fashionable to wear tight clothes. For me it is immodest or she wants to attract men. Why else would she reveal everything? Fierce fights later there is a compromise. In reality only some aspects might be considered immodest and she is willing to make sure that that her clothes are modest but still appear fashionable. And since there are women who are more outrageous than her, is it worth the hassle, the potential divorce? It is more about control than modesty.

Most fights arise because one partner is trying to exert influence over the other. Same way, you were unable to control who she was with and still can't. So you feel frustrated and angry. She is a good woman, she fell in love with someone at an age when we all do. She's left that behind and so should you.

Similarly, if you made the decision to marry her and she is not casting eyes at other men, then build a relation with her. You both have to work at it. Seems like she is doing that already. See her for what she is today. There was a reason why her old affair didn't bloom into marriage. She too made a decision to leave that behind.

Enjoy each other and think about sharing. You will come to realize the truth. In arranged marriages, love is rarely there at the beginning. You work at your marriage and actions will soon lead to admiration, respect and love or not.

Right now it seems like you're at the beginning.
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  #35  
Old 12th August 2017
Just a Salesman Just a Salesman is offline
 
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chodo yaaar raat gayi baat gayi start a new life and love her and make her feel good. have many children it will help bonding.

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  #36  
Old 12th August 2017
iroquoismelon iroquoismelon is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just a Salesman View Post
have many children it will help bonding.
Typical desi-budhho waali advice.

If there's no love in the marriage, then children are going to make it worse. You'll have to kill yourself everyday for the sake of your children.

And if the marriage fails despite having children, then you'll essentially ruin the lives of those innocents as well.

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  #37  
Old 13th August 2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iroquoismelon View Post
Typical desi-budhho waali advice.

If there's no love in the marriage, then children are going to make it worse. You'll have to kill yourself everyday for the sake of your children.

And if the marriage fails despite having children, then you'll essentially ruin the lives of those innocents as well.
If Indian married couples follow ur RECKLESS TYPICAL FAILED FEMINIST PSEUDOLIBERAL advice there will be no marraiges left. I doubt if u have ever gone through marraige. Ur advice is typical textbook armchair coffee table Utopian advice. Life and marraige is not a corporate boardroom decision. Marraige is more of adjustment compromise give some take some fighting and making up. Yes if it has become UGLY then it has to end but only after u try ur best to keep the flame alive. Whoever told u there is love in all marraiges???? U hv been watching too many romantic movies.

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  #38  
Old 13th August 2017
Nebelwerfer Nebelwerfer is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just a Salesman View Post
Whoever told u there is love in all marraiges???? U hv been watching too many romantic movies.
iroquoismelon is actually right Salesman ji.

Dont get this angry.

Without love, what is the point in living through the marriage?

Salesman saheb, pehle shaadi karlo phir gyaan dena.
Aur agar karli, to dukhi na ho ....

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  #39  
Old 13th August 2017
Just a Salesman Just a Salesman is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nebelwerfer View Post
iroquoismelon is actually right Salesman ji.

Dont get this angry.

Without love, what is the point in living through the marriage?

Salesman saheb, pehle shaadi karlo phir gyaan dena.
Aur agar karli, to dukhi na ho ....
arre bhaiya i agree without love there is no point in living life only why marrraige. but u ppl are talking about ideal utopian situation. Life is not all black and white there are grey areas everywhere. Life does not happen like in romantic movies. har kisiko nahi milta yahan pyaar zindagi mein. A marraige starts in love and then continues with adjustment compromise give and take. This is real life. Otherwise in movies stories Jack loves Jill they get married and live happily ever after. Just stories.

I am not married but i know lot of married couples and one look at their faces and u will know how much of love they are going through.

Aap bhi pehle love karo marraige karo aur fir advice aur gyaan do bhaiya.

Last edited by Just a Salesman : 13th August 2017 at 01:08 PM.

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  #40  
Old 13th August 2017
Nebelwerfer Nebelwerfer is offline
 
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Originally Posted by Just a Salesman View Post
Aap bhi pehle love karo marraige karo aur fir advice aur gyaan do bhaiya.
Agyaani balak, hum shaadi shuda hai, mohabbat bhi bahut hai, apni wali se bhi aur doosriwaliyo se bhi!

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