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  #91  
Old 4th June 2016
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Originally Posted by SD the RDX View Post
Kaha gayab ho gaye Bhai

Story superb hai jaldi aage ka update do bhai
Kal update dunga bhai abi update likhe nai hai
Sorry

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  #92  
Old 4th June 2016
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nice update
Thanks aprajita ji

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  #93  
Old 4th June 2016
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All r waiting fr d update bhai....
Me too :p

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  #94  
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Update likh raha hu sam tak post karunga

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  #95  
Old 5th June 2016
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update 13

Komad khus ho jata hai usse lagta hai jaise usne baji marr.li ho.

Vah wapas maharaj ki taraf palat ta hai idhar maharaj dhrumlochan ki halat dekh baukhlaye huwe te
Abhi wo sambhle b nai te ki komad,ne platte ke sath hi maharaj par ek ghatak prahar karta hai

Maharaj bas antim samai me kisi trah uss vaar ko shakti dand par lene me safal ho paiye.

Parantu vaar itna shaktishali ta unkepav jamin par tike na rah sake vah urte huwe jakar, vriksh se pith k baal takrate hai aur aundhe muh jamin par girte hai..

Yah dekh kar maharani tarap uthi unhe kuch hosh nai rahta aur wo teji se suraksh kawach se bahar nikal kar maharaj ki taraf badhti hai

Idhar komad b maharaj ki taraf badhta hai usne behos pare dhrumllochan par dhyan nai diya.

Maharaj se bhirne se pahle usne kalawati ko bandhna uchit samjha taki wo wapas suraksha,kawach me,na,ja sake.

Usne nag fas ka prayog kar maharani ko nago se jakar diya .vah daurne k aaweg me gir pari

Naag fufkar rai te parantu mahRani ko jab apna bhan ho tab toh nago k dekhe u ki najre toh bas,mHaraj p tiki tiaur ghisak,kar aage badhne ka prayas karne lagi

Maharaj k girne k karan unke hatho se shakti dand chitak kar dur ja giri ti.maharaj kisi trah apne sharir ki sampurna urja ikhti kar utth te haiaur shKti dand ki traf badhte hai..
Par tab tak deer ho chuki ti komad unke samip pahuch chuka ta.
Wah shakti dand ko pakarne k liye hath badhaiye hi te ki
Komad apne ghutne ka shaktishali prahar unke sine par de marta hai.

Vah urte huwe jakar vriksh se takraiye.muh se bas tejjj ek aah nikli. Aur vahi jamin par gir pare
Ab unme uthne ki b shakti na bachi

Kalawati maharaj ko aaisi halat me dekh tarap uthi unki aankho se nirantar aanshubahe ja rai te
Vah maharaj ko chor dene k liye girgirra rai ti par insano k sene me hirdaye hota saitaano me kaha

Komad maharaj k nikat pahuch ta hai .maharaj k hoto par avi b muskurahat ti halaki unke sharir me kafi chot aaiye ti wo hill b nai pa rai te.

Komad unki hato me mrityu ka bhai dekhna chahta ta .parantu aaisa na pakar wah krodh me tillmilla utha.
Mhaharaj k gale par talwar ka bharpur war karta ha kalawati k gale se bhar pur chikh nikal pari .......

Naiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..............................


To be continued............

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  #96  
Old 5th June 2016
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Lagta hai kisi ko pasand nai aai


Aage story continue karne se koi faida nai......
So sorry

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  #97  
Old 5th June 2016
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Ohoo bhai ....
Update acha tha ....kch log aaj k din ya bahar Jake enjoy krte h ya kch yahan aajate h. So dint worry .
Update k bare m pata chalte sb aaenge. Don't worry...filahal to maharaja sankat m h aur kalawati maharani bi kch Ni kr pa rahi ...dekhte h Dhrumlochan bacha pate h ya Ni .

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  #98  
Old 5th June 2016
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ng93 View Post
Ohoo bhai ....
Update acha tha ....kch log aaj k din ya bahar Jake enjoy krte h ya kch yahan aajate h. So dint worry .
Update k bare m pata chalte sb aaenge. Don't worry...filahal to maharaja sankat m h aur kalawati maharani bi kch Ni kr pa rahi ...dekhte h Dhrumlochan bacha pate h ya Ni .
Kya kare dost bari hi nirsa hoti hai jab itni mehnat karke likho aur koi suggestion toh choro update par koi rai b nai deta
Uss samai bas yai feel hota hai kI sari mehnat hi bekar gai........

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  #99  
Old 5th June 2016
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Koi Ni bhai ...der s hi sahi bt success milegi jarur...
Maine kafi stories Dekhi h jinke writers n sirf apne stories ko pura kia h bt unke stories m jyada logo k response ni the. Aap kah sakte ho buildup kia h .... agar apne kabi is story k baad ki aur story likhi to apko response acha milega ...ab new writer k liye thodi bht. mushkil to aati hi h...it's upto u , either face it or leave it... Hum to itna kahenge ki aap apna Jo story likhne ka shok h usko pura kare ...

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  #100  
Old 6th June 2016
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update 14

Komad ka hath bich me hi ruuk chuka ta uske hath maharaj k galle tak pahuch hi nai,pai te

Ek majbut hath ne uske bah ko bich me hi jakar liya ta yah koi aur nai dhrumlochan hi,ta. Jiski chetna wapas lsut chuki ti.

Usko ussi prakar jakre peer ki traf kar k ek jordar laat uske sine par de maara. Vah peer se ish trah takrata hai ki vah vriksh b uske sath hi jar se ukharti chali jati hai

Parantu ab dhrumlochan par junnon swar ho chuka ta
Abi komad girr kar sambhala b nai ta ki dhrumlochan maut ka dusra naam bankar uspar chata chala gaya
Wah ab komad ko koi b mauka nai dena chahta ta.
Usne komad ki pith par laat dhari aur pair ko ghumakar ish prakar mora ki chatak ki tejj awaj k sath uske bai jangh ki hadi tutt gai.

Vah dard se billbilla utha vah pith k bal hokar pair pakar kar chatpata raha ta

Tabi dhrumlochan k hatho me gadda aa jati hai aur gadda ka tejj prahar khichkar niche ki traf de mara

Uski chati ki hadiya chur chur ho gai.fir usne hato me talwAr le li aur uske dono hato ko kat diya aur antim war gale par ki aur gardan kat kar duur ja gira.

Rakt ki tejj dhar se waha ki jamin laal hoti rahi. Ab komad v sant par chuka ta.

Dhrumlochan aage badhkar kalawati ko nagfas se mukt karta hai.

Maharani daur kar maharaj k pass jati hai aur unke sar ko good me lekar roti rahti hai

Maharani : kya ho gaya aapko aankhe kholiye na dekhiye mai yai hun aap mujhe ish trah se chor kar nai ja sakte

Aagar aapne aankh nai khola toh mai b jan de dungi
Unka rona bhut tivra ho gaya ta
Dhrumlochan : maharani kuchnai huwa maharaj ko wo thik hai
Apne aapko sambhaliye wo abi thik ho jaienge .

Dhrumlochan aage badhkar maharaj k pass baithkar unke sar p hath rakhkar mantra padhne lagta hai .
Uske hato se tejj prakash nikalti huwi maharaj k sar se hoti huyi pure sharir me prakash fail jati hai fir jaise jaise prakash gayab hota gaya unke sharir me takat waps lautne lagti hai

Maharani: aap thik toh hai na

Maharaj : ha mai bilkul thik hu bas jara badan me dard hai
Maharani rundhe gale se ab unka rona shishakne me badal chuka ta
Mere toh pran hi nikal gai te aap k bina jine ki kalpna b nai kar shak ti.

Dhrumlochan : maharaj kuch chan vishram kar le ab chinta ki koi baat nai hai

Ham thora hat kar ish jagah se sivir bnate hai madhya ratri me hum aage badhenge kyuki kal purnima v hai hame smai rahte waha pahuchna hai . Tab tak baki sab b samanya ho jaienge.

Dhrumlochan apne karya me lag jata hai.





Umid hai update pasand aaye........

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