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Old 29th April 2018
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How to deal with a mother who has to win no matter what?

My mother since many years has become more and more stubborn. Its becoming really difficult to deal with her since she is dependent on me.

Some might ignore a habit that doesnt bother them directly. But this has become a pattern that follows every sphere of life. Whether its a small decision of buying a particular brand of grocery... to big decisions... she asks me for opinion/discusses with me (another annoyance since she will always do what she wants) and then cuts down my opinion and does her thing.

This habit affects me directly sometimes as I tell her to not to tell someone a particular thing or say it in a certain manner to avoid complications... and then she still goes and does what I purposely told her not to do.

There have been major tussles in our family over this.

Now you might say that I am being the stubborn one. But there are many decisions/things I remind her to do for her own good. Like checking cooking gas regulator or not locking the house without handing me a key etc... but she still does that.

How to deal with such a person? She is leo who are usually very stubborn. Stubborn and passionate is a good thing career wise... but this is a whole different case altogether.
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Old 29th April 2018
jsmithfb jsmithfb is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by damage_case View Post
My mother since many years has become more and more stubborn. Its becoming really difficult to deal with her since she is dependent on me.

Some might ignore a habit that doesnt bother them directly. But this has become a pattern that follows every sphere of life. Whether its a small decision of buying a particular brand of grocery... to big decisions... she asks me for opinion/discusses with me (another annoyance since she will always do what she wants) and then cuts down my opinion and does her thing.

This habit affects me directly sometimes as I tell her to not to tell someone a particular thing or say it in a certain manner to avoid complications... and then she still goes and does what I purposely told her not to do.

There have been major tussles in our family over this.

Now you might say that I am being the stubborn one. But there are many decisions/things I remind her to do for her own good. Like checking cooking gas regulator or not locking the house without handing me a key etc... but she still does that.

How to deal with such a person? She is leo who are usually very stubborn. Stubborn and passionate is a good thing career wise... but this is a whole different case altogether.

haha all desi moms are same it seems

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Old 29th April 2018
Nebelwerfer Nebelwerfer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by damage_case View Post
My mother since many years has become more and more stubborn. Its becoming really difficult to deal with her since she is dependent on me.

Some might ignore a habit that doesnt bother them directly. But this has become a pattern that follows every sphere of life. Whether its a small decision of buying a particular brand of grocery... to big decisions... she asks me for opinion/discusses with me (another annoyance since she will always do what she wants) and then cuts down my opinion and does her thing.

This habit affects me directly sometimes as I tell her to not to tell someone a particular thing or say it in a certain manner to avoid complications... and then she still goes and does what I purposely told her not to do.

There have been major tussles in our family over this.

Now you might say that I am being the stubborn one. But there are many decisions/things I remind her to do for her own good. Like checking cooking gas regulator or not locking the house without handing me a key etc... but she still does that.

How to deal with such a person? She is leo who are usually very stubborn. Stubborn and passionate is a good thing career wise... but this is a whole different case altogether.
Let your mom do what she is designed to do.

You cannot win. Period.
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Old 6th May 2018
HavasKD HavasKD is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by damage_case View Post
My mother since many years has become more and more stubborn. Its becoming really difficult to deal with her since she is dependent on me.

Some might ignore a habit that doesnt bother them directly. But this has become a pattern that follows every sphere of life. Whether its a small decision of buying a particular brand of grocery... to big decisions... she asks me for opinion/discusses with me (another annoyance since she will always do what she wants) and then cuts down my opinion and does her thing.

This habit affects me directly sometimes as I tell her to not to tell someone a particular thing or say it in a certain manner to avoid complications... and then she still goes and does what I purposely told her not to do.

There have been major tussles in our family over this.

Now you might say that I am being the stubborn one. But there are many decisions/things I remind her to do for her own good. Like checking cooking gas regulator or not locking the house without handing me a key etc... but she still does that.

How to deal with such a person? She is leo who are usually very stubborn. Stubborn and passionate is a good thing career wise... but this is a whole different case altogether.
How old is she? How old are you? Are you working or studying? Are you financially independent? In what way is she dependent on you? Can you move out and leave her to herself?
Any solution that works will have one characteristic for sure: you mother will face the consequences of her actions, in a proportionate degree and to an extent that it will hurt her. These consequences and hurt can be a temporary thing until she changes her ways or it can be a permanent thing that lasts as long as the two of you are together (ending with her death, your death, or you two living separately). What such a solution can be, would depend on the exact circumstances and specifically on the nature of her dependence on you , because surely you an use that as leverage to exert influence on her. But you have to be prepared to inflict that hurt on her, and you will need some good PR so that other people don't think of YOU as the bad guy in this situation. If you are hesitant to hurt your mother, then you should start with reading the Bhagavad Geeta (focusing on Krishna's answers to Arjun's reluctance to hurt his relatives, teachers and elders), and by examining whether you can live forever in the current situation. I am guessing you are not married yet. If so, then consider whether you want your choice of wife to be constrained to the kind of woman who gets along with your mother (in which case you may not get along with her), or someone who will suffer by the actions of your mother and fight with you about it? There is no easy way out; you will have to endure some amount of pain; your only choice is about which pain and for how long.

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Old 6th May 2018
ironescort ironescort is offline
 
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just leave her alone. women are b*tches in one way or the other. They are designed that way... Whatever you do, you can never fulfill or satisfy a women, she will keep on moaning through her life for all sorts and if i tell this they call me sexist.

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Old 6th May 2018
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Quote:
Originally Posted by damage_case View Post
.. My mother since many years has become more and more stubborn. Its becoming really difficult to deal with her since she is dependent on me....
Very Easy and simple ! It is just a small drama will solve your problem !

Just tell her "the reverse of your opinion". Then she will insist "That you are wrong ! Her opinion will be the reverse of your opinion ! She will adamantly insist on that ! Reluctantly agree to that as if you are unhappy ! Let her be happy ! You are also, secretly happy !"

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Old 7th May 2018
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I will give you advice from a doctor's point of view.

From your description, it seems like your mother has some personality issues. Check if there is a history of mental illnesses in her family. Example: Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, some one wandering away from home, etc. If there is no history of such major mental illnesses, check if there are people with quirky personalities.

Your mother's behaviour cannot be yet classified as a mental illness, it is only a personality trait as of now, but it surely indicates that your mother is at a higher risk of developing serious mental illnesses like schizophrenia, paranoia, etc. Stress is a common trigger that can worsen these traits.

There is no medicine that you could take a course of to change her. Her thinking is hard-wired by now and it will take years of counselling and "cognitive behavorial therapy" to change that.

My advice to you is:
1. Accept and adapt.
2. Don't stress yourself because you have also the same genes as your mothers(this is biology, you cannot change). If you take stress, you are also likely to behave like her in future!
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Last edited by fatguysmart : 7th May 2018 at 12:28 PM.

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